In our youth, our inexperience does not permit us to foster
quality relationships. We lean on our rather sketchy
experience and make decisions on reasons that are hidden
within us. We avoid clues that more mature folks can see
quite clearly. For example, I decided to marry my first
wife based on a decision of which I had no conscious
awareness.After my divorce, I went to see a psychologist and I gave
her the background and then I asked her, “I want to know
what I did wrong.” I’d see her every once in a while for
about six months. We’d talk, explore things, and then it
all came together. It all clicked.

One day she told me, “You’re a strong man, so weaker women
are attracted to you.” By weaker she meant insecure. We all
know people who are insecure and the more insecure they
are, the less fun they are to be around. They tend to
project their insecurities on other people.

I’m not a psychologist, but I got it. I learned something
about me. I looked back and realized I dated many women who
were insecure. I realized that my role in it was that on
some level, my ego enjoyed the fact that they needed me.

After that, I had a heightened awareness about what had
prompted me to marry my first wife and I made a far better
choice after that because I did not want a second divorce.

Many factors affect why you make your decisions and you can
recognize your part them as you work to figure out if you
are being cheated on. Here is a list of clues for you:

- There are missing chunks of time in his schedule

- The reasons given for the missing chunks doesn’t ring
true inside you

- You no longer spend the same amount of quality time
together

- You are discouraged from ever answering their cell phone

- He/she doesn’t want to have sex with you any more (or as
often)

- Non-loving words comes out of his/her mouth

- His/her blink rate increases when they talk to you.

Now this last one deserves some explaining as the rest are
pretty obvious. When an individual has a very slow blink
rate, this is often a sign that he or she has a fear of
abandonment. “If I close my eyes, you’ll be gone!” When an
individual has a very fast blink rate, this is often a sign
of engulfment, and is frequently a sign that they are
lying. “If I close my eyes, you’ll go away and I won’t have
to deal with you.”

Sometimes, when an individual is lying, he/she cannot look
at you at all. This clue belongs in the same category as
rapid eye blinking. If he touches his face, behind his ears
etc with his hands, this is another symbol of lying. He
would never touch his heart while lying. When guilty, your
spouse will become defensive. An honest person takes the
offensive stance. Sometimes, an answer is delayed when the
person is lying. Women lie to make others feel good. Men
lie to make themselves look good. Police use eye blink
rates and eye movement to tell when someone is lying. You
should be so savvy yourself in order to prevent yet another
divorce.

There’s an old saying that “Winners never cheat and
cheaters never win.” There’s a lot of truth in that old
proverb. If your spouse has lied to you, the trust you
once had has been destroyed and that is extremely
challenging to rebuild. I hope these few words help you to
build and maintain a quality relationship so that you can
marry well the second time and never go through divorce
again.
—————————————————-
In his book “Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents,”
Len Stauffenger shares with you the simple wisdom gleaned
from his divorce and from the raising of his daughters. Len
is a Success Coach and an Attorney. His is a heartfelt,
visionary story of the success at the end of his divorce
journey. You can purchase Len’s book and it’s accompanying
workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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