I don’t know of one family that doesn’t experience anger
when raising children is involved and in particular, with
single divorced parents. All too frequently, this anger
gets pointed at the children. I think it’s highly likely
that in many circumstances, our anger can be traced back to
some doubt or fear that we, as parents, have been harboring.

In many therapies, there is a differentiation between what
is the _trigger_ for a specific emotion and what is the
_source_. I think that when it comes to raising kids,
their behavior (or the lack of it) is the trigger, and our
own doubt and fear is the actual source. Let’s look at some
situations that seemingly trigger angry outbursts from us
to our children and let’s work to discover what the
underlying fears might be.

You become angry when your children don’t obey you, or when
they fall short of what you expect from them. You become
frustrated. This is because you don’t know enough about
how to effectively manage their behavior. Pre-school
teachers and grade school teachers have learned these
skills and thus don’t experience the anger you do. You
would be helped if you took some parenting classes; read
parenting books; join parenting groups.

Adults who understanding behavior management in children
know that there must be consequences for errant behavior.
It is most helpful if you will arrive at the decision you
frequently arrive at currently after idle threats: you
REALLY MEAN what you say. It is this determination that
you mean what you say that communicates over to your child
and they quickly learn not to avoid your wishes, wants and
desires. If you couple “meaning” along with “consequences”
your child will be well served through this determination.

As your days roll along, please consider if you are getting
angry due to any of these reasons:

- You feel you have no freedom in your life because you
have children

- Your kids are tapping you out financially and you’re
frustrated because you feel trapped in your job

- Long days are wearing you down physically

- You have a sense of “I don’t want to deal with it now”

- Your kids whine to get your attention

- Your kids tug at you because you aren’t listening to them

- Your kids fight among themselves

You must seek help to find a way to deal with these things.
A therapist might be just the ticket. Your parents may
have good advice. Perhaps a minister could help. Whatever
it is, don’t allow your anger over these things to
continuously spill over at your children. You need
professional, or at a minimum, mature help to find a better
way if you identified with any of the items on the above
list. Listen to music away from the kids. Take some deep
breaths. Call a friend. Then spend a few moments
reconnecting with your child. Don’t let the anger get
between you. Your kid deserves your loving communication
and so do you.
—————————————————-
In his book “Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents,”
Len Stauffenger shares with you the simple wisdom gleaned
from his divorce and from the raising of his daughters. Len
is a Success Coach and an Attorney. His is a heartfelt,
visionary story of the success at the end of his divorce
journey. You can purchase Len’s book and it’s accompanying
workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

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