One day she told me, “You’re a strong man, so weaker women
are attracted to you.” By weaker she meant insecure. We all
know people who are insecure and the more insecure they
are, the less fun they are to be around. They tend to
project their insecurities on other people.

I’m not a psychologist, but I got it. I learned something
about me. I looked back and realized I dated many women who
were insecure. I realized that my role in it was that on
some level, my ego enjoyed the fact that they needed me.

After that, I had a heightened awareness about what had
prompted me to marry my first wife and I made a far better
choice after that because I did not want a second divorce.

Many factors affect why you make your decisions and you can
recognize your part them as you work to figure out if you
are being cheated on. Here is a list of clues for you:

- There are missing chunks of time in his schedule

- The reasons given for the missing chunks doesn’t ring
true inside you

- You no longer spend the same amount of quality time
together

- You are discouraged from ever answering their cell phone

- He/she doesn’t want to have sex with you any more (or as
often)

- Non-loving words comes out of his/her mouth

- His/her blink rate increases when they talk to you.

Now this last one deserves some explaining as the rest are
pretty obvious. When an individual has a very slow blink
rate, this is often a sign that he or she has a fear of
abandonment. “If I close my eyes, you’ll be gone!” When an
individual has a very fast blink rate, this is often a sign
of engulfment, and is frequently a sign that they are
lying. “If I close my eyes, you’ll go away and I won’t have
to deal with you.”

Sometimes, when an individual is lying, he/she cannot look
at you at all. This clue belongs in the same category as
rapid eye blinking. If he touches his face, behind his ears
etc with his hands, this is another symbol of lying. He
would never touch his heart while lying. When guilty, your
spouse will become defensive. An honest person takes the
offensive stance. Sometimes, an answer is delayed when the
person is lying. Women lie to make others feel good. Men
lie to make themselves look good. Police use eye blink
rates and eye movement to tell when someone is lying. You
should be so savvy yourself in order to prevent yet another
divorce.

There’s an old saying that “Winners never cheat and
cheaters never win.” There’s a lot of truth in that old
proverb. If your spouse has lied to you, the trust you
once had has been destroyed and that is extremely
challenging to rebuild. I hope these few words help you to
build and maintain a quality relationship so that you can
marry well the second time and never go through divorce
again.
—————————————————-
In his book “Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents,”
Len Stauffenger shares with you the simple wisdom gleaned
from his divorce and from the raising of his daughters. Len
is a Success Coach and an Attorney. His is a heartfelt,
visionary story of the success at the end of his divorce
journey. You can purchase Len’s book and it’s accompanying
workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.comSimilar Posts:

• Relationship Advice: Every Guy Should Read Cosmo
• The Next Move After Sex
• To Divorce or To Mediate?
• Dont Want Divorce Dont Consider It
• How To Attract And Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend

Reports suggest that those couples that have their own individual space are much
happier than those that don’t. It doesn’t have to be a large space. Sometimes
something as small as a half bath where you can keep your toothbrush and shaving
cream can make a difference. Being close to your new wife is much better when you
choose to do it, instead of being forced to do it by a lack of space.

In order to keep from losing that loving feeling, it’s important for grooms to set
aside an area where they can get away from the Lifetime Movie Channel and HGTV. The
benefits of having a groom’s sanctuary can’t be stressed enough. When newlywed
couples first cohabitate, the stress alone can cause arguments. After all, no matter
how much you love someone, you will never get two individual people to agree on
everything all the time. You’d be surprised how much marital strife can be avoided
by simply walking away, calming down and then discussing the situation rationally
later. But when there is nowhere for either party to retreat to, it just makes the
situation worse.

So now that you’ve decided on having a groom’s room, now would be a good time to
spend some “quality time” with the new wife watching HGTV. This serves a twofold
purpose. First, you’ll be earning extra cool points for watching one of her favorite
channels with her and second, you’ll likely get some great ideas on how to create a
space for you with little effort and a small budget.

Another important way to have a space of your own is by having your own things in
that space, even if those things are new. For instance, you can achieve the feeling
of having your own space and your own things, by taking an active role in setting up
the wedding registry to assure that some of the things you want make it to the list,
instead of being overrun with pink, lacy everything. A great idea would be to
outfit your home office with a leather desk blotter or special lamp. A lot of stores
and websites sell great items like this as gifts for your groomsmen, so while you
are picking up gifts for them, pick up a few things for yourself. After all a new
beginning sometimes means getting new stuff and a “man space” is no different.

One really great way to get the things you want for your “man cave”, “man-rage”, or
whatever your space will be, is to make that the focus of a groom’s shower. More and
more men are having groom’s showers and you can enlist the person who is planning it
in helping you achieve the space you want. Depending on a variety of factors, you
may do something as simple as have your guests bring items for your new space, to
making the entire shower consist of making the space, sort of like “Extreme Home
Makeover” for your home office or garage.

No matter what you do, be sure that you keep a little bit of space for yourself. In
the long run, it will help you to appreciate all the great things about being
married.

Ian Lurie and his team write articles for Groom Stand (http://www.groomstand.com).
He’s successfully co-habitated with his wife for over 10 years.Similar Posts:

• Guidelines for the Best Man
• Wedding Cake Traditions
• Why Men Won’t Commit
• Tips for Saving Your Marriage
• Marriage Guidance & Counselling For Men

Even with all of this relationship building, you’re able to
maintain a separation of space. You have your friends.
They have their friends. You have your place. They have
their place. You’re together, but still independent. Time
continues to pass and then something changes. Your partner
pops the question (often phrased in a manner that only an
idiot would think that it was not a good idea), Why don’t
we move in together? And you are left standing, with only
a few allowable seconds to be stunned, preventing the
words, “Are you crazy?”and “Hell no!” from coming out of
your mouth. At best you concede, “That’s a thought.”

So, how do you say now, without offending the person and
placing undue strain on the relationship?

SITUATION FACTORS
* Your relationship is good. You like spending time with
the person;
* You probably spend most nights together anyway.
* Economically, there’s no question that it makes sense to
share household expenses.
* You’re not comfortable with what living together means to
you in a relationship.

Bottom line…you’re not ready to live together. This
could be for a host of reasons, both healthy and
unhealthy…but that’s not the issue here. This is a
readiness issue.

YOUR MESSAGE:

“I love (like) how we are right now. I’m not ready to move
in together just yet. I don’t want to rush anything that
could potentially hurt our relationship because we moved
too quickly. I care about you too much for that.”

SAMPLE WORDS & PHRASES

*I don’t want to rush a decision that deserves more time
and thought.
*I like how we are right now
*I like missing you.
*I’m not sure if we’re ready yet.
*Instead of deciding this moment, why don’t we test the
idea out over the next six months? Let’s imagine every time
we are around each other that we live together. Then,
let’s talk about what we liked and didn’t like living
together after this period is over. Then we can discuss
whether we’re ready.

WARNINGS!!!

Do not make the suggestion seem like a stupid idea in your
verbal or body language-even if you think so.

*Do not say, yes, if you have doubts.
*Do not say, no, without explanation sensitivity
considerations.
*Do not leave the question unanswered.
*Do not feel pressured into a decision, even if it makes
the most sense logically. You should not move in with your
partner just because it’s the best logical decision. There
has to be an emotional commitment to the idea.

SENSITIVITY FACTORS

* The person may be in a bind financially or in an
undesirable living situation (bad roommate, landlord
issues, bad neighborhood, living with parents, etc.), and
you want to help.
* Person associates living together with further validation
of the relationship and/or your feelings towards them.
* Person may take your desire not to live together
personally, as if it has something to do with them, and not
with your desire to either, ease into this next level of
togetherness slowly or maintain separate spaces.

You may feel that your resistance isn’t warranted; but it’s
real, so you have to acknowledge it.

EXPRESSIVE METHODS:

* Handwritten message.
* In person…close proximity, with eye contact.
* Email-but it has to be sent on the same day as a pending
in person encounter. Also…it can only be used as a
prelude to a conversation. It cannot be the conversation.

SAMPLE DELIVERY METHODS:

* A letter. Sometimes it’s best to go back to the basics.
There’s nothing like receiving a handwritten letter. It
evidences importance, deliberate thought, time, and high
value.
* In person…over dinner. Start with…”I’ve been
thinking…” or “I’ve really given some thought to what you
said about us living together, and…” You have to set it
up as thoughtful.

The most effective delivery message is in person. This
subject matter requires in person consideration and
follow-through.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

* The person feels rejected and distanced to manage
feelings.
* The need for further conversation.
* A relationship shift to adjust to the new set of feelings
from this new conversation.
* New thoughts in consideration of the idea in the future.

If you were able to balance the sensitivity factors with
the message…maybe they simply understand! (Rarely is it
that easy, though.)

THOUGHTS FROM DR. MIKYTA DAUGHERTY, PhD

Here’s the deal. If you tone the intensity of the question
down a bit, you’re basically asking – how do you reject
someone, without hurting their feelings or affecting the
relationship? Well peeps, I hate to break it to you, but
it’s nearly impossible! Allow me to explain.

This situation feels difficult because “we don’t want to
offend” anyone. Right? I mean in general, good people
don’t like to think of themselves as the cause of someone’s
sadness, disappointment, blah blah blah. And you’re a good
person, yes? Plus, you really like your partner and don’t
want them to feel bad. But that’s just the thing! You
can’t totally prevent someone from feeling bad about
something that feels bad. No matter how you say it. And
hearing an unwanted “no” from your partner tends not to
feel good. (Now, you can certainly make it worse by being
cruel, but Lisa’s sensitivity factors gives good ideas
about what to say and what not to say). It’s like, how do
you tell someone they have a zit that needs popping without
embarrassing them? You can be mindful of when you tell
them, who’s around when you tell them and how exactly you
tell them – which may all prevent humiliation. But
ultimately, that person will still feel embarrassed, even
if they are thankful for your honesty.

Lastly, this situation feels difficult because we don’t
like to deal with our loved one’s reaction to hurt
feelings. You might have to give them extra attention,
deflect defensiveness, quell fears about feelings of
inadequacy; BUT try not to get mad at them for expressing
hurt.

Sometimes it takes additional effort, but always patience
and compassion.
—————————————————-
Lisa Yancey is one of two incredibly hardworking women
spearheading Regarding Life. A writer, lawyer, consultant,
and mentor; Lisa conceived of Regarding Life in 2002 with
business partner Stacey Weihe. Lisa does all of the writing
for the company. Visit us on the web at
http://www.regardinglife.comSimilar Posts:

• How To Deal With A Non Committed Relationship
• I Am Complete
• Avoid Divorce – Know the Keys to a Happy Marriage
• Saying I Love You the First Time Around
• Intimate Partner Abuse – Abuse by Projection, by Reality or by Both