Before we go too far, let’s talk about the 2 reasons men keep secrets from their significant other:

1. They wish their partner would understand them, but they are afraid they won’t.
2. They are simply trying to get away with something they know is wrong.

Obviously, the second reason is more of a concern.  If he’s hiding minor things, there is no need for alarm.  He’s probably just not sure how you’ll react. Let’s get into the secret minds of men.

The Number Of Women He’s Had  Sex With:

Look, men just aren’t sure how to handle this, so they will typically exaggerate, but depending on the man, the number can be higher or lower.  Some men lie high, hoping you’ll see them as sexually experienced.  Other men lie low, so you won’t see them as the player they really are.

Don’t sweat this dirty little secret.  It’s not that serious.  Personally, I’ve never understood why anyone would want to know this.  If you are one that really needs to know, leave a comment below and tell me why.  I’d love to understand why it’s important to you.

Does He Compare You To His Last Girlfriend:

The answer is, absolutely, YES!!  He can’t help it.  Everything you do, you’re being measured.  Lucky for you, he’s not with her anymore.  He’s with you.  All he really wants is someone he enjoys being around, someone who gets along with his friends, and ultimately, some one he can trust and be happy with.

Even if he’s comparing you to her, eventually he’s gonna realize that she’s gone for a reason.  That reason, is YOU!!  You’re the one he wants to be with, and you’re the one that makes him happy.  There, no need to fret about that.

He Still Masturbates

Some people are afraid to discuss this one, but let’s face it.  Masturbation is natural, and NORMAL!  Relax.  It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to be with you.  In fact, in a study conducted byWomens Health, 20% of men admitted to masturbating daily, and 33% confessed to masturbating 3 times per week!

Now who’s normal?  The only time you need to worry, is if he is choosing himself over you, or if he can’t reach climax with you.

He Worries If He Can Stay Faithful

Worry indeed.  You too!  But listen…it’s not  because he doesn’t want to be with you.  It’s because all his life he hears about how sex stops when you get married.  He hears it from friends, family, TV, and even movies depict that sex wanes once the vows are delivered.  That’s what he’s afraid of.

Don’t give him a chance to worry.  Keep a healthy sexual lifestyle, and you will end his fear.  If he is usually the one who initiates sex, then you try to rev things up for a change.  Also, don’t underestimate the power of having spontaneous sex in new places.  You’ll drive him wild and keep him from thinking about moving elsewhere for action.

Men Want Sex Twice As Much As They Get It

It’s not a bad thing.  Sex is natural.  And, according to many relationship experts, a healthy sex life is important to the success and happiness of any relationship.  So if he’s getting it twice a week, he probably wants it four times.

One big thing to keep in mind is how you reject your partner.  Let’s face it, you’re not always going to want it.  But be careful how you reject it.  It can devestate the ego.  Don’t just say no and roll over.  Let him know why.  But make it up to him by initiating it when you are ready.  It’s a big turn on for anyone, and a HUGE ego boost for every man I know.

Men have crazy, wierd thoughts.  And most of the time, they’re just afraid of you’re reaction.  If he’s not asking for sex, he wants it.  If he’s masturbating, he still wants you.  No need to worry.

Do you ever wonder what men are thinking?

What’s on your mind?  Let us know what you think.  Leave a comment at AdviseCouples.com and start sharing your thoughts.  We’re happy to discuss what you want.  You can even comment on what others have to say.  Just when you think something isn’t normal, you find out how normal you really are.Similar Posts:

• Why Is Sex Such A Secret?
• Sexual Turn Ons: What’s The Sexiest Body Part?
• How To Avoid The Biggest Dating Mistake Men Make
• How To Tell If Your Ex Girlfriend Wants To Get Back With You
• Sexual Cycles: Understanding The Orgasm

So let’s start with our kids.  What are we afraid of them knowing?  Why do we dodge their questions, or dance around them?  Why don’t we encourage our children to come to us, and be open with them, honest with them?  I have a question for all parents:  If you’re not teaching your kids about sex, who is?

My hunch is they are learning form their friends.  And who are they?  What do they know?  What parents need to know is that kids, regardless of how we feel or how we grew up, are faced with sexual social pressure nearly everyday of their lives.  Studies show that not only are more teens having sex, but they are starting younger.

And the reality is, if they don’t know something, they believe what their friends tell.  Don’t assume your kids are different unless you really talk to them.  I read one study where teenage girls, 13-16 years old, were performing oral sex regularly.  Why?  They were pressured by the boys they liked, and they felt at least this way you can’t get pregnant.

Is this how you want your children to react?  What are we afraid to tell are kids?  Sex is nothing to be embarrassed about, or shy about.  I’m not in any way suggest we encourage sexual promiscuity from our children, but by all means, educate them the best you can.  And if your best falls short, or you still feel uncomfortable, get them to trust their physician.  Your family doctor can be there to educate them.  Perhaps they’ll even feel less embarrassed than talking with you.

Then we grow older, and what changes?  We still learn from our friends.  And the problem with that is, when sexual stories are embellished dramatically.  For men, they’ll beat their chest about how long they last in bed, and how much they satisfy their woman, and how many chicks they’ve been with, and how big their hammer is.  For women….well I can’t speak for you, but I can say that you are overwhelmingly more graphic when you talk about sex than men are.  I don’t know how much is true or exaggerated, but you are very graphic.

So we try really hard to sexually satisfy our significant other, and we are always wondering if we are.  Why are we wondering?  Because we dont’ know!  And the reason is, we rarely take the time, or we are just to shy and afraid, to aks our partner what they like and dislike.

I don’t mean turn and ask, “was that good for you?”  I mean, ask our partner where they like to be touched, what they like and don’t like.  Do you like your hair pulled, like to be spanked, like to talk dirty, or do you prefer to say nothing at all?  What positions do you like?  How do they make you feel?  What’s your fantasy?

These are important conversations to have in order to develop intimacy with your partner.  If you can’t talk about sex with your partner, than who can you talk about it with?  Don’t go bragging to your guy friends, or complaining to your girlfriends.  Say it to your partner.

From the time we’re young, sex is a dirty little secret.  Even masturbation, although very natural, is frowned upon.  You’re told you’re not normal.  You’re laughed at.  Masturbation is how we experiment with our bodies to understand where and how we like to be touched.  And yet we’re so afraid of the consequences if we get caught, we never really allow ourselves to learn.  Therefore, we can never share what we like and don’t like, and we’re too afraid to tell our partner we’d like to try something new.

Sex is not a dirty little secret.  It is sacred.  It is special.  And it should be shared.  Not with the world, but with our partners, and by all means, educate your children before their friends do.

Similar Posts:

• Do You Really Mean What You Say to Your Children?
• Sexting: Are Your Kids Getting Dirty Messages?
• Sexual Relationships:The Secret Minds Of Men
• Raising Happy Kids
• Your Child Custody Schedule: An Important Part of the Custody Agreement

There is a direct connection between a healthy sex life and a healthy relationship.  It’s no secret.  If you and your partner are enjoying a great sex life, then you’re better off than most.  In fact, In a recent survey I conducted, 66% of respondents said that they are not sexually satisfied by their lover.  So you don’t have to let your relationship and your bedroom life suffer, I’m offering some healthy ways to put some passion back in your sex life.

Sex can become boring and monotonous at times, but you have to continue to add spice and intrigue to it.  People too often make sex a routine.  Follow some of the suggestions below and you’ll have your partner wanting you, craving you, and begging your for more sex!

1.       You’ve tried sex with the lights on, right?  How about sex with the blinds wide open!  This will add an element of excitement that people might see or hear you having sex.  It’s a mental turn on.

2.       Try being completely silent during sex.  A lot of times, we try so hard to say erotic things, it becomes less natural.  How about trying not to say a word.  You’ll be totally focused on the task at hand.

3.       Sex in public can add some excitement.  Not real public, but a quiet park, or in the car in a parking lot should do the trick.  There is an element of getting caught, but not too much that it will make you worry.

4.       Role play.  I don’t mean dress up as a nurse or a cop.  I mean, find something that will turn you both on.  Try pretending that one of you is a shy virgin, the other married and mature.  Have the mature person totally take advantage of the shy virgin.

5.       Lights, Camera, Action!  Try filming you and your partner having sex.  Make sure you both consent to this.  Don’t get tricky.  Knowing you’re on camera can be really hot, and it can get even steamier when you watch it together.

6.       Try pretending you don’t know each other.  Go to a bar, and have the woman get there about 30 minutes before the man.  Pretend like you don’t know each other.  Watch other guys hit on her. Both of you will get excited knowing that other people want her.  Then, you move in, pretending you don’t know her, make your best move, and take her home.

7.       Try spending a weekend at a hotel, with just the two of you.  No cell phones, no distractions.  Just an entire weekend of spending time with each other.  You’ll develop some real intimacy, and have some passionate sex.

8.       Look your partner in the eye.  A lot of times, during sex, we aren’t locked in on each other’s eyes. When you’re having sex, lock eyes, and hold it.  It will intensify her orgasm because she knows he is totally into her at that moment.

9.       Explore new territory.  When sex becomes a routine, we forget about all the other places on each other’s body.  Try exploring, by kissing, licking, and gently running your fingers over all of their body parts.  You’ll find out which one’s they like by their reactions.

10.   Relaxing Massage.  You’ll be surprised at how massaging your partners stress away will relax them and make you want to please you any way they can.

11.   Get a Grip!  When you’re having sex, right when you’re about to orgasm, grab each other tightly, like you’re not going to let go.  It’s amazing how a woman feels when you have  a strong hold of her as you climax.

12.   Have a make out session, PG-13 style.  Yeah, pretend you’re 16 again.  Make out with each other, kissing, touching, grabbing, for 1 full hour without going below the belt.  You’ll build up a lot of anticipation for what will come later.

This list could go on and on, and with your help, we can make it grow.  Try some of these out and start improving your sex life with your partner.  It will add romance, spice, excitement, and intimacy.  You can also take this short survey to contribute to what you like in bed.Similar Posts:

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You want more. Maybe try new things. Include new
accoutrements (toys, fabrics, food, people) or make
memories in new places. Whatever it is you want to explore,
you want to do it with them. So you have to figure out a
way to say it that doesn’t make them dry or shrivel up, get
defensive, walk way, or shut it down completely. This isn’t
supposed to be a break up…just a step up.

So what do you do?

SITUATION FACTORS

*You like the person;it could be your husband, wife,
girlfriend, boyfriend, friend with benefits, booty call,
casual partner…whomever.
*You want to maintain the sexual relationship;
*You want to try more and/or different things with them (as
opposed to someone else)
*This is a quality issue, not a quantity issue;that’s
another situation topic.

YOUR MESSAGE:

I want you. And with you I want to explore more sexually. I
want to take our climax to new levels. I know that we have
yet to reach our sexual potential.

SAMPLE WORDS & PHRASES

*You make me want more.
*What if I tell you that you make me want to do very
naughty things?
*I have a surprise for you.
*Are you up for trying something new?
*Tell me about a fantasy you’ve yet to try.
*If you tell me a sexy secret, I’ll tell you one right back.
*I feel like I haven’t tapped in to my passionate and raw
side. Come with me.
*I want to feel your breath on the back of my neck, even
after you’ve long gone.
*I’m ready. You ready? Ready to go there. You know where.
Whisper it in my ear.

WARNINGS!!!

*Do not use words that place blame
*Do not create ultimatums
*The automatic response is for the recipient to take it
personally. And rightly so, and make you have to defend
yourself—thus getting off topic.
*Do not say, “I’m bored.”

SENSITIVITY FACTORS

*They may not be as experienced.
*They may be shy; you may be shy.
*Old baggage around sex.
*Personal insecurity.
*Fear of rejection.
*Work a lot; tired.
*Children considerations.
*You’ve gotten so familiar with each other and comfortable
that sex is no longer a priority.
*You both aren’t keeping you’re A-game up with each other.
*Religious constraints.

EXPRESSIVE METHODS:

*Handwritten message
*In person (after a couple of drinks…to keep the
automatic defense reaction at a minimum)
*Text message

SAMPLE DELIVERY METHODS:

*A gift in a box, with a handwritten note. For example, “I
have a surprise for you” written note (not typed) in a box
as a gift, lying on top of silk scarf.
*Voice note (like a text) with the Blackberry
*As a whisper in the ear over dinner, while driving…or
any place that’s not home to build up anticipation.

The key in the delivery method is to keep it intimate. You
want to create intrigue and stimulate desire.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

*This is not a situation that can be fixed over night.
*It takes consistent (soft and sexy) suggestions to shift
the expectations
*Perhaps resistance at first; but if demonstrate that this
is not a unilateral criticism, and that you want to step it
up with them (and them only;unless you both decide
you want to invite a guest or two)
*You may be making all the effort for change in the
beginning. It doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t want
change…just may have a more difficult time initiating the
change.
*Hopefully eventually…AMAZING SEX!!!

THOUGHTS FROM DR. MIKYTA DAUGHERTY, PhD

Given the fact that you’re the one who wants more from your
partner, you have the uncomfortable task of making your
needs known in a non-threatening way. This is the hard
part because everyone is a bit self-conscious when it comes
to their sexual abilities and thus, anything you say is
likely to feel a little threatening. They may become
sullen or defensive when presented with the hard news that
they’re not cutting it in bed. Expect it and treat it with
compassion. The key is to emphasize your confidence in
their ability to meet your needs. Offer your vulnerability
and invite them to join. Show them what you’d like. If
skill is the problem, there’s plenty to find on the
internet and in Barnes and Nobles. Buy some books and read
them aloud. Watch videos with each other. Make it fun and
something you do together. Make it a game where the goal
isn’t to win but to have fun – you’re on the same team.

Also, keep in mind that some people have been mistreated
sexually. There may be problems that have nothing to do
with you. Either way, if your partner does not respond the
way you’d like, don’t take it personally. If you hit this
hard, their insecurity should be short lived.

Remember, patience, compassion and modeling. Be the change
you want to see.
—————————————————-
Lisa Yancey is one of two incredibly hardworking women
spearheading Regarding Life. A writer, lawyer, consultant,
and mentor; Lisa conceived of Regarding Life in 2002 with
business partner Stacey Weihe. Lisa does all of the writing
for the company. Visit us on the web at
http://www.regardinglife.comSimilar Posts:

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• Sex On The First Date – Why You May Want To Think Before Starting A Strictly Sexual Relationship
• How To Attract And Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend
• Premature Ejaculation
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For this discussion, we need to understand a couple of words.  First let’s discuss “love.”  I am not going to pretend to define it exactly as too many centuries of writers before me have given that a shot.  But, to be simple (and I am), love should be a relationship based upon trust and a mutual desire to share a life together.  Next, let’s say a “fight” is a hostile break in trust and communication.  Angry words are exchanged and usually some tears flow. 

Ok.  What can cause a fight?  Perhaps a dark secret is revealed.  Perhaps a strong difference of opinion is raised that can change one person’s paradigm of the other.  In any case, trust is usually broken and feelings are raw.  However, there is hope.

For those who come out of this situation, there can be a greater and deeper feeling of trust.  And, you can feel understood!  Feeling that your mate has taken the time and effort to really understand you is remarkably disarming.  Having your feelings out there makes you vulnerable.  To see that the other takes care of them and is worthy of trust, makes you want to give and share in the deepest ways.  And, throw in any lingering adrenaline from a strong fight and WOW!  Now you want to aggressively satisfy your partner.  You want to do whatever will make him or her happy, and you do.  Just as he or she tries their best to do to the same for you.

Make up sex is raw passion.  It is give and take.  It is animalistic.  It is exhausting.  And afterwards, the cuddling is wonderful.  The exhaustion, the closeness, the feelings of having given yourself completely to another person all just makes for a magical moment.  As a matter of fact, if you are not too exhausted, it could just be a break to rest up for round two!  That should keep you both happy for at least twenty four hours and give you bragging rights at the water cooler.

Now, don’t take this as advice to pick a fight!  Remember, a fight is a break of trust, an attack and response.  A fight could go one of two ways.  There could be a scene like the ones described above.  Or, there could be a permanent split.  That is not the obvious objective.  However, if a fight occurs, listen.  Then, speak.  Then listen some more.  Whatever your mate is trying to express, no matter how poorly, is very important to them.  If you listen, you will learn.  And, take care of their feelings, despite your own.  That way, you can enjoy the rewards of Make Up Sex.Similar Posts:

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