So, here’s a situation where you want to tell your lover
that you are totally bored with sex&;specifically, the
sex you have when you’re with them. You may (or may not)
actually reach orgasm, but you don’t get excited anymore
thinking about being with them. Your sexual activity has
become predictable, average, feels like maintenance, and
more often than not;TOO BRIEF!!

You want more. Maybe try new things. Include new
accoutrements (toys, fabrics, food, people) or make
memories in new places. Whatever it is you want to explore,
you want to do it with them. So you have to figure out a
way to say it that doesn’t make them dry or shrivel up, get
defensive, walk way, or shut it down completely. This isn’t
supposed to be a break up…just a step up.

So what do you do?

SITUATION FACTORS

*You like the person;it could be your husband, wife,
girlfriend, boyfriend, friend with benefits, booty call,
casual partner…whomever.
*You want to maintain the sexual relationship;
*You want to try more and/or different things with them (as
opposed to someone else)
*This is a quality issue, not a quantity issue;that’s
another situation topic.

YOUR MESSAGE:

I want you. And with you I want to explore more sexually. I
want to take our climax to new levels. I know that we have
yet to reach our sexual potential.

SAMPLE WORDS & PHRASES

*You make me want more.
*What if I tell you that you make me want to do very
naughty things?
*I have a surprise for you.
*Are you up for trying something new?
*Tell me about a fantasy you’ve yet to try.
*If you tell me a sexy secret, I’ll tell you one right back.
*I feel like I haven’t tapped in to my passionate and raw
side. Come with me.
*I want to feel your breath on the back of my neck, even
after you’ve long gone.
*I’m ready. You ready? Ready to go there. You know where.
Whisper it in my ear.

WARNINGS!!!

*Do not use words that place blame
*Do not create ultimatums
*The automatic response is for the recipient to take it
personally. And rightly so, and make you have to defend
yourself—thus getting off topic.
*Do not say, “I’m bored.”

SENSITIVITY FACTORS

*They may not be as experienced.
*They may be shy; you may be shy.
*Old baggage around sex.
*Personal insecurity.
*Fear of rejection.
*Work a lot; tired.
*Children considerations.
*You’ve gotten so familiar with each other and comfortable
that sex is no longer a priority.
*You both aren’t keeping you’re A-game up with each other.
*Religious constraints.

EXPRESSIVE METHODS:

*Handwritten message
*In person (after a couple of drinks…to keep the
automatic defense reaction at a minimum)
*Text message

SAMPLE DELIVERY METHODS:

*A gift in a box, with a handwritten note. For example, “I
have a surprise for you” written note (not typed) in a box
as a gift, lying on top of silk scarf.
*Voice note (like a text) with the Blackberry
*As a whisper in the ear over dinner, while driving…or
any place that’s not home to build up anticipation.

The key in the delivery method is to keep it intimate. You
want to create intrigue and stimulate desire.

WHAT TO EXPECT:

*This is not a situation that can be fixed over night.
*It takes consistent (soft and sexy) suggestions to shift
the expectations
*Perhaps resistance at first; but if demonstrate that this
is not a unilateral criticism, and that you want to step it
up with them (and them only;unless you both decide
you want to invite a guest or two)
*You may be making all the effort for change in the
beginning. It doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t want
change…just may have a more difficult time initiating the
change.
*Hopefully eventually…AMAZING SEX!!!

THOUGHTS FROM DR. MIKYTA DAUGHERTY, PhD

Given the fact that you’re the one who wants more from your
partner, you have the uncomfortable task of making your
needs known in a non-threatening way. This is the hard
part because everyone is a bit self-conscious when it comes
to their sexual abilities and thus, anything you say is
likely to feel a little threatening. They may become
sullen or defensive when presented with the hard news that
they’re not cutting it in bed. Expect it and treat it with
compassion. The key is to emphasize your confidence in
their ability to meet your needs. Offer your vulnerability
and invite them to join. Show them what you’d like. If
skill is the problem, there’s plenty to find on the
internet and in Barnes and Nobles. Buy some books and read
them aloud. Watch videos with each other. Make it fun and
something you do together. Make it a game where the goal
isn’t to win but to have fun – you’re on the same team.

Also, keep in mind that some people have been mistreated
sexually. There may be problems that have nothing to do
with you. Either way, if your partner does not respond the
way you’d like, don’t take it personally. If you hit this
hard, their insecurity should be short lived.

Remember, patience, compassion and modeling. Be the change
you want to see.
—————————————————-
Lisa Yancey is one of two incredibly hardworking women
spearheading Regarding Life. A writer, lawyer, consultant,
and mentor; Lisa conceived of Regarding Life in 2002 with
business partner Stacey Weihe. Lisa does all of the writing
for the company. Visit us on the web at
http://www.regardinglife.com

Similar Posts:

• How To Last Longer In Bed
• Sex On The First Date – Why You May Want To Think Before Starting A Strictly Sexual Relationship
• How To Attract And Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend
• Premature Ejaculation
• Sexual Cycles: Understanding The Orgasm

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